MISSED INFORMATION &

ASSORTED MISSIVES:

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG EDITION

PART 1: INNOVATION

Former industrial giant turned least bankrupt North American automaker Ford stopped short of revealing a car that runs independent of fossil fuels today, to bring you news of their brand-new “self-parking technology.”  According to this article, this is to become something of a standard option for a majority of their cars in the latter half of 2009.  Yes, self-parking and all manner of self-parking related “computer error” accidents are coming to a mall near you.

While it’s likely they’ve taken to nurturing small victories in order to cope with their present situation, I wonder if this is not yet another symptom of the same disease.  Shit or get off the pot, kids.

PART 2: NATURE

Speaking of evolution, this curious little article about bees opens with the following:

An Australian scientist is doping up honey bees with cocaine to study how their brain reacts to the drug and possibly find a way to stop addition in humans.

And the reason we want to stop cocaine addiction in humans is so we can use it recreationally without recurrent consequence — for both mind and pocket?

It ends by stating that, “…the bees used in the experiment were not harmed” which is all well and good but I thought we were running out of bees?  Shouldn’t that bee be out working and saving the planet from certain starvation?  Remember what Einstein said about the bees?  If you absolutely must experiment on bees could you please stick to curing Colony Collapse Disorder?

I can’t tell if this is simply mad science or poor reporting — or some accidental conspiracy of both — but the article does feature the word “waggledanced” and I think there’s something uplifting about that, don’t you?

PART 3: CANADIAN POLITICS

While Canadian bloggers, political everypersons, and pundits are busy crafting and selling their finest year-in-review pieces, you need look no further than this single sentence offered by Lawrence Martin in yesterday’s Globe and Mail:

The level of sophistication of our politicians was witnessed in the election campaign.

It sure was.  I always find Martin’s analysis particularly insightful but there’s something captivating about this “level of sophistication” phrase.

Canada deserves a higher caliber of clown. 

PART 4: TREES FALLING IN THE FOREST

Canadians are beginning to dust off emotions for their southern-most neighbour that they’ve shelved for the last eight years, but the suggestion from the CBC that as-yet President Barack Obama needs a Can-Con playlist is the full Ned Flanders.  In their own words:

Beginning Monday, January 5, CBC Radio 2 invites Canadians to help select the top “49 songs from north of the 49th parallel” that would best define our country to the incoming U.S. President Barack Obama.

His playlist could definitely benefit from some Canadian content, especially given the depth of our musical offerings — spanning a wide variety of genres and representing our culture from coast to coast.

I will not attempt a complete analysis because I foresee a post-mort missive from Russell Smith in the not-so-distant future.  Nevertheless, I think this is offensive beyond simple irrelevance.  For one thing, are we still that insecure about our own culture and the amount of international attention and/or “parental” approval it receives?  Really?  For another, this sort of “guide” makes dangerous presumptions about the man’s intelligence — I know it’s been an abusive relationship, but can’t we just celebrate the fact they’ve elected a man of intelligence without the ever-awkward grade-school crush?

PART 5: ICEBERG AHEAD

Speaking of the impending paradigm shift, there has been due speculation about what Obama’s predisposition toward engagement will mean for U.S. foreign policy in the coming years.  While there is little doubt Cuba will be among the first theatres for this, a recent piece from Time observes the historic context of a certain looming anniversary.

While it remains to be seen whether or not this will be a clear departure from “doing it wrong” in past, it’s clear there’s an iceberg of sorts ahead — if only in the form of rehashed post-Castro speculation.

PART 6: COMMERCE

The Consumerist posted a food expiration “cheat sheet” this morning, that, in my former expert retail opinion, is nothing short of exceptional.  Some argue that corporations stick to their own indecipherable codes in order to organize their products from production in factory to sale on shelf.  Of course, this is a foolish position to hold once you observe that some put the real date beside their codes while others do not.

Anyway, print this rosetta stone out and use it next time you’re wandering around a retail food outlet.  You’re eating expired food on a daily basis, I assure you.

PART 7: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG RIGHT

I missed it last week but someone over at Vanity Fair was wearing the clever pants when they put this together.  The mere suggestion that George spends some of his time writing West Wing fan fiction and therefore might possibly have said, “that Bartlett fella” at some point, ever, made my day.

PART 8: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG WEIRD

My favourite story from this year.  I defy you to find something better.  No further commentary necessary.